


The Spoon of Longing Stirs My Marrow

by heavenscalyx (Jude)



Series: I Won't Treat You Like You're Typical [3]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Background Holtzmann/Abby, Background Holtzmann/Patty - Freeform, F/F, Polyamory, Shameless Smut, polybusters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:17:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jude/pseuds/heavenscalyx
Summary: Erin has done something she shouldn't have, and it's been distracting her for weeks.  Seriously.  Weeks.  Now the crew has all moved into the firehouse and is taking up semi-communal housekeeping together.  Surely that will improve matters.(Direct sequel to "Seeing Stars in Manhattan.")





	

Erin looked around the little set of rooms on the third floor of the firehouse that had become hers. Someone in the not-so-distant past had started renovating the firehouse into studio apartments and then run out of money. Blessedly, they'd begun with replumbing (and the mayor's favorite construction company -- conveniently owned by his brother -- had re-done the electrical work), including whole-building HVAC. Erin's white-walled, too-expensive, one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn had been cooled by individual AC units stuck in the walls. With the New York summer rolling in, she was grateful to have the option to live over her centrally air-conditioned workplace in Tribeca for free. Besides, her landlord had just given her notice that he was adding another $300 per month to her rent for the coming year.

As long as Holtzmann didn't, say, blow the top two floors off the firehouse, everything would be fine.

Erin was totally not going to hear more sex noises in the night now that she'd moved in.

She'd successfully avoided staying over at the old headquarters again after that first night post-near-apocalypse. Staggering out of the little room she'd been so lovingly tucked into by Patty and Holtzmann with an overwhelming need to pee, she'd been frozen stock-still by the sound of a gasp and murmuring voices. 

Pinned like a butterfly by the moans and the filthy talk, Erin stood as if she'd been turned to stone. Except stones didn't feel that warm and tingly and _wanting_ from hearing two of her best friends crying out, nearly in unison, in hoarse, throaty shouts of pleasure. Stones weren't slippery and sensitive when they finally sneaked to the bathroom, lonely and frustrated and still freaked out by their white hair in the mirror. And stones didn't stop outside their door again, listening to the renewed activity, with soft liquid noises and groans and shouts and then Holtzmann -- Holtzmann! -- begging Patty to stop making her come, and then coming again and again. Erin clamped her arms across her chest and shut her eyes but that didn't stop her from listening until everything was over. She was breathing hard by then, trying to do so silently, and then she realized she had to get back into her room without them hearing. She did her best, though in retrospect she probably shouldn't have shut the door completely. Back in bed, she ground her drenched and swollen clit against her fingers until she came, muffling herself in the pillow. Only then could she collapse back into sleep.

Ashamed that she'd listened for so long and been so turned on by it, the next several weeks had been an epic struggle not to be awkward around them (well, any _more_ awkward than usual, at least). Holtz hadn't stopped flirting outrageously with her, Patty hadn't stopped being the gorgeous ray of sunshine she always was, and Abby hadn't stopped being Abby. So Erin did her level best to be Erin. 

Fortunately, they'd been busy. Granted, that didn't stop Holtzmann from dancing sexily, or laughing sexily, or _standing_ sexily, or being _absent_ sexily. Or stop Patty from smiling that way that made her the most beautiful person in the world, often smiling _at_ Holtzmann. And when Patty turned that smile on Erin, the butterfly colony that had a permanent city in Erin's stomach always had a party.

Erin thought she might have a problem.

However, if, perhaps, Erin woke up in the night sometimes from nightmare memories of watching Rowan electrocute himself, and tried to banish those fever-dreams by remembering the sound of Holtzmann's moans and begging (and possibly retrieving her very best friend, Hitachi Magic Wand, from her nightstand, to help with the remembering), she was damned sure not going to acknowledge it, even to herself, by daylight.

"We sent Kevin out for Italian," Abby said from the door, leaning in a bit over the threshold and thoroughly shattering Erin's brown study. "If he doesn't get distracted by something shiny, he should be back in fifteen."

Wrenching herself out of the quicksand of her own thoughts, Erin said, "Oh, thanks!" She kept aimlessly rearranging the books on the shelf next to her desk.

"Are you okay?" Abby said. She added, with a laugh, "Worried about living in a dorm again?"

"It's not a dorm! It's an apartment." Dorms involved socks on doorknobs and making one's bed for one's roommate's weekend "guest," knowing they'll screw in it and then sleep in the roommate's bed. At least with one's freshman year roommate. Erin forced herself to stop messing with the books. She glanced around at her room, with its tiny corner kitchenette and the Murphy bed folded up into its white cabinet and the couch and coffeetable and little entertainment center and the door into the microscopic bathroom. She considered how easily nearly everything from her bigger apartment fit into this much smaller space. "I think I didn't actually spend much time living at my old apartment anyway."

"I remember your housemate telling me that you never hung out in your place, that first time I visited."

"I liked the engineering library under the Dome," Erin said absently, still staring around her room. Abby having brought college to mind, Erin fiddled with her class ring, the Brass Rat of MIT, and stroked her fingertips over the square sides. "Besides, Carla hated my guts. Why were you even talking to her?"

Abby snorted. "Because you were in the engineering library under the Dome and I was bored. Come on, Kevin should be back any minute."

Erin allowed Abby to draw her out into the hall. Reflexively, she reached for her key in her pocket and then stopped. No one else could get into this part of the Ghostbusters headquarters without an escort or a security card, so no one was going to break in and steal anything. If she had anything to steal, which she really didn't. And certainly none of the other Ghostbusters would break into her apartment, unless Abby got a nostalgic yen to search for the diary Erin no longer kept.

Downstairs, Kevin had, in fact, just arrived with two big bags of heavenly-smelling pasta and was dealing the containers onto the table in the office kitchen. They all settled down at the table with the bowls and silverware and cloth napkins from the new office green-and-white leaf-patterned dish set. 

"I hate moving," Patty finally said after the first feeding frenzy started to scale down. "I'm hot and sweaty and dusty as hell."

 _How is it that you mentioning being hot and sweaty_ does things _to me?_ Erin thought desperately.

"At least we all have our own showers and shower things?" Abby said. "As opposed to that shower at the restaurant that was one step up from a beach shower."

 _Showers big enough for two even_ , Erin's traitorous brain suggested.

"We also have a hella industrial-strength in-line water heater, and therefore unlimited hot water," Holtzmann said with a grin. Erin noticed that there was a strand of blonde hair straying from the rest of Holtzmann's floating forelock, coiled along her temple and cheekbone. "I might have rebuilt it just a little. To increase its efficiency."

"Holtzmann!" Erin said, her keen ability to catastrophize spinning off wildly which, fortunately, distracted her from both thinking about how much she wanted to touch Holtzmann's hair.

"Are we gonna boil to death when we take a shower now?" Patty said, cutting up her last ravioli.

"Pretty sure that voids the warranty," Abby said, spinning fettucine on a spoon.

"I'll just fix it if it breaks," Holtzmann said, clapping a hand on Abby's shoulder. "And it's got a thermostat that will keep our skin from falling off."

Erin and Patty exchanged an appalled look, but Abby seemed satisfied. She turned to Kevin, "So, why are you keeping the place over Zhu's?"

"It's big and cheap," Kevin said with a shrug. "There's room for my hide and seek team to practice. And I'm giving my photographer friend the old kitchen for a studio. Do you want the beds, or should I keep them for friends?"

Erin fought down a blush at the mention of the old kitchen and its beds. Especially the pair that had been irrevocably bolted together. She applied herself to her gnocchi and garlic bread and thought it was very very nice indeed that Kevin's raise — to bring his salary in line with city-employed receptionists — enabled him to get his own place. Yes, indeed. Not sure _how_ exactly he was affording that place on that salary, but really, did that matter? He wouldn't be leaving the toilet seat up any more. Well, except down here, in the office area. 

"Keep 'em," Abby said with a shrug. "We've got a couple of guest suites here and the mayor's office kindly outfitted them."

"Thanks!" Kevin said, and he went back to his lasagna.

"So!" Erin said, frantic to change the subject. "Did the mayor's construction people manage to get in that soundproofing with the extra fireproofing?"

"I haven't checked the paperwork," Patty said. "Have you, Abby?"

"Nope," Abby said, starting to close up the takeout containers. "I figured it must be done, since they let us move in. It was all OSHA and regulatory blah blah blah."

"When they put in the fireproofing on the second floor, the guys said it would double for soundproofing," Holtzmann said. "So I can play music as loud as I want. Or blow things up." She winked at Erin.

"Great," Erin said with an attempt at a smile and trying to ignore how that damned wink woke up the kaleidoscope of butterflies in her stomach. _Totally no sex noises in the night._ Her apartment was next-door to Patty and across from Abby, as far from Holtzmann as she could get, in as subtle a way as she could manage. _I think Abby noticed, but Abby notices everything._ She shoved another forkful of gnocchi into her mouth to keep herself from talking. _Of course, if they get together in Patty's room, I'll probably still hear everything. I should just get myself noiseblocking headphones. A white noise machine that makes ocean sounds. Or maybe a small dog._

Kevin popped to his feet. "I better get back. I promised Mum I'd pick up Mike Hat tonight to bring him over to my new place!" He rolled a porkpie hat onto his head and wandered out.

Three of the four women stared at his bowl and half-eaten crust of garlic bread and scattered crumbs and spilled soda. They sighed as one. 

Holtzmann finished her eggplant parmesan while (badly) concealing her obvious glee at the situation. In an earnest English accent, she said, "And so the Kevin sallies forth to properly decorate his nest in order to attract a flock with whom he can play 'hide and seek.' The mysteries of this social ritual have never been fully explained, and have never yet been captured on camera. Notice the use of food remnants as territory marking, which members of rival packs will quickly make vanish." 

Erin got up and started clearing plates. "Less David Attenborough, more cleaning, Holtz."

It felt very domestic and entirely natural, not like the forced good nature of new roommates, Erin thought, remembering her time living in the old house just off-campus in Cambridge. _Probably because we've all been living alone._ As she washed out Kevin's bowl, she had a rush of fond memories of that tiny third-floor room under the eaves she lived in for her last two years at MIT, where Abby came to visit her twice each semester and once just after her graduation. They didn't dare make any noise ( _Totally no sex noises here._ ) because Erin's housemates were assholes. She remembered spending those weekends with Abby naked, except for occasionally staggering to the bathroom and sprinting downstairs to answer the door for the pizza delivery guy before one of the housemates could get there. Erin had convinced her housemates that they were working on a book together, and eventually they did.

Erin glanced at Abby, overwhelmed by guilt. She hadn't just dumped the book for her postdocs, jobs, and pursuit of tenure, after all: she'd dumped Abby. Abby smiled at her, oblivious to Erin's anxiety-driven thought processes, and Erin's gut twisted. _Yeah, that's over. Old story. All over._

Holtzmann bumped up to the sink next to her and, hip touching Erin's hip, leaned over to rinse out the sponge, gently nudging Erin's hands out of the water long enough to do so. Every point of contact was like a jolt from an electric socket that left Erin fumbling numbly with the bowl she was trying to wash. Holtzmann had a toothpick dangling out of the corner of her mouth that dragged Erin's reluctant gaze to her perfect lips and Erin's not-at-all-reluctant thoughts to imagining how those lips would shape some of the sounds she'd overheard. Erin looked away, a rush of heat from her belly on down making her shift her stance uncomfortably, and rush-rinsed the last bowl and handed it to Patty, which of course caused them to touch hands briefly in a way that left her numbly considering Patty's fingers.

"What should we do this evening?" Abby said, adding a little cautiously, "I mean, not that we have to hang out or anything, I don't want us to get sick of each other..."

Holtzmann, who had draped herself over a chair, said, "We could all go downstairs and dunk ourselves in the hot tub I built."

Abby pursed her lips and stared at her. "We have... a hot tub... in the basement?"

"Yeah," Holtzmann said. "But not one of those crappy fiberglass ones. A real wooden tub, big enough for four Ghostbusters."

" _That's_ what you were doing all that time you were over here 'supervising the contractors'?" Patty said incredulously.

"Sometimes," Holtzmann said, evasive.

"Have I said that I love you lately, Holtz?" Abby said.

"You've never said that you love me, Abby."

"You're a liar, Holtz. All right, let's see this miracle of science."

Erin was swept along by the group, Patty having slung a companionable arm over her shoulders. Patty said, "This is going to make busts one hundred _thousand_ percent better. This is the _perfect_ end to the day for a buncha old ladies like us. And Holtzy."

Erin thought, frantically, of anything other than the Patty's warmth, the scent of Patty's perfume and hair products and sweat, and what it would be like to sleep in a bed, wrapped around Patty. Erin babbled something semi-coherent about being slimed. She thought. Maybe. At least Patty just gave her a squeeze and didn't give her a funny look.

They trooped down the stairs to what had been the creepy dark musty basement. Holtzmann had done more than build a hot tub, though: she'd finished part of the basement in wood paneling and hard wood floors, and put up soft indirect lighting that could apparently be dimmed or brightened, according to mood and the complex lighting panel on one wall. There was a shower, benches, and a sauna too.

Holtzmann stood hipshot, hands in the pockets of her loose black trousers, watching her fellow Ghostbusters exclaim over the the room and the tub and all the accoutrements. Erin reached down to run her fingertips over the smooth, oil-finished redwood of the floor and the slim drains between the boards.

"This is a-MAZ-ing," Abby said, looking up at the ceiling. "Adjustable lights, speaker system, and vents too? Holtz, you think of everything."

"Isn't the city going to be upset about the water use, though?" Erin said, and thought, _Oh, good going, Miss Party-pooper. This is why you were never invited to parties when you were in high school. Or college. Or grad school. Or anytime, really._

"Noooo," Holtzmann said, stretching her arms over her head and gazing across the room at what appeared to be a thriving bamboo plant under a grow light, and Erin was glad she was wearing a t-shirt and vest instead of one of her crop tops. "I'm piping down the coolant water from the containment unit."

"Wait, isn't that… nuclear?" Patty said, rearing back from leaning over to touch the water. 

Holtzmann shook her head. "I'm using a double coolant loop, and this is drawn from the non-radioactive water supply."

"Do I want to ask what we do with the radioactive water?" Patty asked.

"Nope!" Holtzmann said with a grin.

"Okay then," Patty said, shaking her head.

"Well, what are we waiting for then?" Abby said, excited. "Let's get soaking!"

"I don't own a bathing suit," Patty said, a little hesitant. "I'm not sure you all want to be exposed to all the glory that is Patty."

Erin's brain produced its best imitation of a record scratch.

" _I_ want to be exposed to the glory," Holtzmann said, pulling off the tie that was looped loosely around her neck. "Who needs bathing suits anyway?"

Erin's face burned as she thought, _Well, you've been_ NAKED _with Patty, of_ COURSE _you don't mind!_

Abby started unbuttoning her cardigan. "Well, I don't have a bathing suit, I'm not going shopping for one, and I'm not going to _not_ get into this hot tub after a long day of _moving_. I don't mind your glory, Patty, if you don't mind mine."

_Oh my god at least she didn't tell everyone that she and I…_

"Besides, you're the only one who hasn't seen me naked, Pats," Abby said, tossing the cardigan onto one of the convenient clothing pegs and starting to unbutton her long-sleeved tunic.

Erin hoped that the blood rushing to her face would completely drain her brain and leave her unconscious.

"Sounds like you guys had some happenin' slumber parties, Abby," Holtzmann said.

"IIIIIIvegottago!" Erin blurted. She nearly teleported to the next floor — didn't remember the run there, though she was out of breath. With somewhat more consciousness but no less speed, she ascended the regular flights of stairs to the third floor and shut herself into her studio apartment. She sat at her desk and covered her burning face with her hands. _Smooth move, Gilbert. Absolutely no one could possibly guess what you were thinking. Not. At. All._

She simmered in her own embarrassment for several moments before a lightbulb went on in her head and she thought, _Wait, Holtzmann has seen Abby naked?_

All her racing thoughts ended in a messy pile-up on her brain's freeway. It took her a while to sort through it all. _I'm sure it was totally innocent. Buddy thing. Lab buddy thing. Because it's totally normal for lab buddy academics to get naked together. Innocently. Naked lab buddies._

A light tapping came at her door, interrupting whatever she was going to think about naked lab buddies. "Gilbert?" Holtzmann said. "You in there?" When Erin didn't answer immediately, Holtzmann said, "Giiiilbert?" in a silly, high-pitched voice, then again in a lower voice through her teeth.

"No!" Erin said finally, muffled through her hands. _Naked lab buddies?_

Holtzmann opened the door and peered in. "Then there must be a Class 4 entity in here since it isn't Erin but sure looks like her."

Erin snorted and peered through her fingers at Holtzmann. "What do you want?" _I know what I want, and that's to lick the hollow of your throat. Dammit._

"Your slumber parties were probably perfectly innocent," Holtzmann said, shutting the door behind her and leaning her hip against the desk.

"They were," Erin said, face burning again. She shut her eyes. "Mostly."

"Naked fun could be a lot more fun at a slumber party," Holtzmann said, thoughtfully. "I had my first naked fun at camp, with another camp counselor. Mosquito bites in the _worst_ places. Not to mention the poison ivy…"

" _What_ do you _want_ , Holtzmann?" Erin said, thinking, _I know more about your sex life than you know about mine, you smug… smug person!_

"Wanted to make sure you didn't implode from embarrassment, I guess," Holtzmann said with a shrug. 

_That ship sailed weeks ago._ "I'm fine, Holtzmann. Or I will be. I guess I just can't cope with being naked with everyone else." _Or seeing you naked. With them. Or seeing Abby naked again. Or seeing Patty naked and thinking about her naked with you naked and_ "Aaaaaaaaaaagggggh."

"You don't _sound_ fine," Holtzmann said, bending to peer into her face through her yellow lenses. "Fine people don't usually say 'aaaagh' in conversation. But I'm not saying you're not fine. I mean, I think you're _very_ fine, for many values of _fine_."

"As fine as Patty?" Erin asked before she could stop herself. _Oh my GOD what did I just SAY?_ She peeked through her fingers again.

Holtzmann pulled her glasses down her nose and looked at Erin over them. After a long, uncomfortable moment of consideration, she said, "Oh, definitely. In different ways, of course, but my tastes in brilliant women are rather catholic."

Erin closed her eyes again and made a noise that she hoped Holtzmann would interpret as acknowledgement instead of inner torment.

Suddenly, warm breath tickled the hair around her ear and Holtzmann's voice murmured, "How about your tastes?"

Erin froze.

"I'm guessing you at least like the sound of my voice, don't you, Gilbert?"

Erin couldn't move. She couldn't manage to say anything. The most she managed was an undignified squeak.

"What do you want to hear me say? Or do you just want to hear me moan?"

_How did she know?_

Holtzmann breathed heavily a few times, and then let out a gasp. 

Goosebumps rose all down Erin's arms and back, and she felt muscles she only thought about when she was alone in the dark clamp down and _ache_. _Sex noises are TOTALLY HERE._

"What else do you want?"

Erin could feel the tingling of the skin on her cheek and the side of her neck where Holtzmann's lips hovered. Her hands fell from her face to grip at the smooth wooden surface of her desk, but she held her upper body utterly still.

"Do you want to see me? To feel me? Do you want the whole package, Gilbert?"

Erin shivered from head and toe, and turned her head toward Holtzmann just until she could see her at the corner of her eye. Holtzmann, glasses off and that drape of blonde hair falling along her cheek, didn't move from where she was bent gracefully toward Erin.

"Do you want me, Erin?"

Erin let slip a strangled whimper and turned the rest of the way to stop Holtzmann from talking, from saying _things_ in the only way she could. 

Holtzmann's mouth was warm and soft on her own, one hand in her hair and the other on her shoulder. The engineer's lips yielded readily to Erin's tongue, and Holtzmann hummed deep in her throat. The sound made the hairs all down Erin's spine rise with a shudder of desire, and she pulled Holtzmann closer. Holtz threw a leg over her and straddled her lap in the desk chair. She barely weighed anything, Erin thought vaguely, even as her head spun from the combination of machine oil and ozone from Holtzmann's clothes, and the rich musky scent that Erin knew must be rising from between her legs. Erin groaned, hands sliding up Holtzmann's spine, and Holtzmann kissed her harder.

One of Holtz's hands tangled in the back of her hair and tilted Erin's head so that she could run tongue and teeth over Erin's throat. Erin panted, eyes closed, and her hands scrabbled at the edge of Holtzmann's t-shirt, managing to slide fingers into the trousers waistband and paw the t-shirt tail out so she could touch hot, smooth skin.

"H-Holtz," Erin gasped, trying to pull herself together. "Holtz!"

Holtzmann relinquished Erin's collarbone and straightened up, looking down into Erin's face. She was breathing hard. "You rang?"

"We… we can't _do_ this," Erin said, though she noticed her hands were still under Holtzmann's shirt and her stomach clutched painfully with what she was trying to say.

Holtzmann let go of Erin's hair, but didn't move off her lap, resting her hands on Erin's shoulders. "Why not?"

"B-because you're sleeping with Patty," Erin said, looking away, trying to hide the tears ( _of frustration_ she told herself) that sprang up when she said that.

"Yes, I'm sleeping with Patty," Holtzmann said, stroking Erin's hair with both hands. "I'm also sleeping with Abby." She moved to stroking Erin's cheek. "I'm not monogamous, Erin. Neither are they."

"Wait, what?" Erin said. Holtzmann's unshielded blue eyes were devastating to look into. Erin wanted to simultaneously cry and come in that moment, and she had to struggle for coherence. "You can't be serious?"

"Absolutely serious," Holtzmann said, her thumb drifting gently over Erin's cheekbone. "I have a habit of wanting to have sex with the people I love, and I've been lucky enough that both Abby and Patty are good with that."

Erin blinked at her, dazed with lust and confusion. "But all of us? Are you collecting the full set of Ghostbusters?"

"Ew, no, because that might include Kevin, for some definitions of Ghostbusters," Holtzmann said, grimacing. "And I'm not _collecting_ you." She leaned forward to murmur in Erin's ear, "I'm _fucking_ you, or I will, if you're into it."

Another quiver went down Erin's spine and the heat in her belly intensified. _Sharing? I've never been good at that. But maybe? With Abby? With Patty? Oh, god, I don't know._ She dug her fingers and nails into the skin of Holtzmann's back, hid her face in Holtzmann's shoulder, and whimpered a little. _I don't know whether I can share. I should stop this if I don't know. But I don't want to._

"How long did you listen to us, Erin?" Holtzmann said, her hands sliding around Erin back. "Did you just stand there and listen, or were you up against the wall with a hand between your legs?"

Erin's face was on fire. She let out a soft, thin whine of shame. _I can't stop this. I can't remember wanting someone so much._

"Do you want me to fuck you, Erin?" Holtz said.

Erin nodded, face still pressed into the fabric of Holtz's vest. _I'll figure it out later._

"Talk to me, Erin," Holtz said, lifting up Erin's sweaty t-shirt and moving her hands over her bare skin. Holtz's hands were burning hot. "Tell me what you want."

Erin choked on her own words, her tongue thick with years of dammed (and damned) desires. She took a handful of deep breaths and whispered, "Fuck me."

"Even though I'm sleeping with Patty and Abby?" Holtz said, gently unhooking Erin's bra and sliding her hands under its edge, around to the front. 

" _Yessss_ ," Erin said. _I will_ so _figure it out later._

Holtz freed Erin's breasts from the bra cups with a single motion and then tugged gently on both of Erin's nipples and scraped her rough thumbs over them. "And if you want to imagine Patty going down on me while I fuck you… or maybe Abby's fingers inside me… while I fuck you, that's okay with me. Because I'll tell you something." She leaned in close and whispered, "Sometimes I imagine that too."

The heavy swelling of her clit and labia intensified with every word Holtzmann breathed, and Erin choked out, "Oh, my god," around an unexpected tsunami of pleasure that felt an awful lot like the start of an orgasm, but not the finish. Her hips jumped a little, her thighs trembled, and Holtzmann clamped her own legs tight around Erin's hips while pulling harder on the captive nipples. Holtzmann bit her neck, just under her ear, and kept working her breasts, and the searing wave kept rising, then falling, rising again, and the peak was higher and still unreachable, and then falling, repeating and repeating until Erin started to claw Holtzmann's back and sob into her shirt.

"What do you want, Erin?" Holtz said softly.

"Please, Holtz," Erin said, tossing care to the winds and pulling up all the things she'd wanted to say while listening to Patty and Holtz. "This is killing me. Make me come, Holtz, please."

Holtzmann kissed her again, this time so gently and deeply that she blotted the world out of Erin's mind. All Erin could think about was Holtz's mouth and breath, and it was as if time had stopped, except where her skin was goosebumping with wave after crashing wave of desire.

Eventually, Holtz pulled back enough to whisper, "You're so goddamn sexy when you beg," and swung herself off Erin's lap. She drew Erin to her feet, peeled Erin's shirt and bra off in one motion, and unbuttoned her jeans. Stepping away from Erin, Holtz went and opened the cabinet of the Murphy bed, drawing it down and flipping out the metal legs. Fortunately, Erin had, in her obsessive way, already made the bed.

Erin shucked her jeans and tennis shoes as quickly as she could, trying to be graceful and _of course_ ended up wobbling on one foot to pull off the last sock, tipping over, and just barely catching herself. She stood up quickly, hoping Holtz hadn't seen. She tried not to remember that she hadn't yet showered and had only just been feeling dusty and grubby a few minutes before, and that she'd always felt awkward and unattractive when naked in front of someone for the first time.

Holtzmann walked back to her and put her arms around her, kissing her hard and pushing all thought out of Erin's head, including the acute discomfort. "You smell fantastic," Holtz said into her mouth just before sliding down her body to press a kiss into the wet curls between Erin's legs. Holtz's tongue darted out once, accurately swiping over Erin's clit and making Erin cry out, folding down around the sensation. Holtz grinned up at her and rose, pulling Erin with her, and then pushed her onto the bed.

Vest and t-shirt and trousers were tossed randomly onto the floor and a nearby chair, and Holtz kicked her zippered ankle boots toward the nightstand. Erin stared at Holtz's slender reed of a body, with the surprising curves of her hips and breasts that were usually hidden by her clothing. Erin's brain hitched up, stuttered, and then tried for something like conversation.

"Were you seriously going commando today?" she said, glancing at the strewn clothing that markedly did not include underwear.

Holtz just grinned and pounced onto the bed. "Would you have been distracted all day if you'd known?"

" _Yes_ ," Erin said, reaching for her. "You distract me without my knowing about your underwear habits. Knowing just makes my imagination do more imagining… things."

Holtzmann stretched full length on top of Erin and Erin thought that nothing had ever felt so good: Holtzmann's weight on her, skin to skin, the soft knots of Holtzmann's nipples against her, the scent of both of their sweat and arousal, the irresistable excitement of Holtz's lips moving over her sternum, the potential energy of Holtz doing… whatever, anything, to her.

The engineer crawled up her, bringing her knee up between Erin's legs and pressing in and down with all her weight behind it. 

Erin found herself grinding up against that pressure, gripping Holtzmann's hips with frantic hands. She pushed her own thigh up against Holtzmann.

Holtzmann bent forward to kiss Erin and rode her leg hard, hips snapping. She moaned into Erin's mouth, and Erin gasped. They tangled together, sweat and heat and straining, and Erin's mind focused on Holtz's mouth and tongue and the wet sliding pressure between her legs. 

Suddenly, Holtz's hips and back and legs and arms tightened into trembling cords of muscle. The feel of Holtz's shudder and the sound her hiss of breath pushed Erin up and over the edge she hadn't been sure she could get to, and her own muscles were seized, her awareness blotted out, by the crash of the wave she'd been riding.

They lay there, breathing as hard as if they'd just run a race, for several minutes before Holtzmann managed to say, "That was a hell of an appetizer."

Erin was vaguely scandalized despite feeling incredibly _good_ and managed to say, "Appetizer?" with a touch of outrage.

"Well, you didn't think that was _all_ I was going to do, did you?" Holtzmann said, lifting herself up on her elbows and looking down at Erin. "One and done is for dudes."

Erin couldn't stop an actual _giggle_ from bubbling out of her. Then she covered her mouth and blushed, and murmured, "I _hoped_ we weren't done." _Because I probably would have chased you down and ripped your clothes back off in the hall._

Holtzmann wiggled downward to take one of Erin's nipples in her mouth again, which made Erin hiss between her teeth and arch her back so her other breast pushed up into Holtzmann's reaching hand. "Oh, god, Holtz," she said as her nerve endings started shooting signals from breasts to clit again.

Holtz grinned and pressed Erin's breasts together, getting the nipples as close as possible, and ran her tongue around and over them as fast as possible before closing her mouth over both. Erin practically levitated off the bed, and Holtz let them slide out of her mouth with a pop before grinning up at her. "Too much?"

Erin nodded, but made a pleading noise in her throat. Holtzmann released her breasts and slid downward, rubbing her face and lips over Erin's belly. Erin tried to run her fingers into Holtz's hair, but the ferocious restraints that held everything but the forelock in place prevented her. She gave up after a moment. _I'll figure that out later too. But sooner than the other thing._

The engineer paused to stroke through the wet curls along Erin's labia with her fingers, a pseudo-friction that made Erin's skin goosebump again. Then Holtz parted the labia and breathed out, cooling the wetness, which made Erin squirm and whimper. After another long pause, Erin looked down. Holtz smiled up at her beatifically and winked before leaning down enough to nuzzle into Erin.

Erin exhaled another, "Oh god," as all of Holtzmann's constant kinetic energy became laser-focused on building layers of sensation between Erin's legs. The engineer, ever the good empiricist, tried a number of techniques, including tugging at the hood with lips and teeth, circling the clit, spiraling in toward it, direct strokes along it, strokes down and back up. There was some truly dedicated trial and error, with repeat trials, some of which made Erin's hips buck, or dragged a little cry of surprise from her, or a thin whine of frustration as some of the gathering storm diminished during a side-experiment.

Finally, Erin breathed, "Please, Holtz, please be inside me too." 

She could feel Holtz grin against her. Then she felt a finger press inside the tender outer ring while Holtz's tongue returned to spiraling in toward her clit, something Erin had never thought she wanted until Holtz did it. After a few strokes, Holtz pressed a second finger in, and Erin pushed down onto her hand desperately. A third finger stretched her _just_ enough, wobbling just at the edge of pain, but all pain was erased by the panacea of Holtz's mouth.

After a few moments of settling into things, feeling her muscles relax around Holtz's fingers, she noticed that Holtz had shifted tactics and started to go for her clit more directly, and now it wasn't making Erin jump. Stroked outside and in, Erin felt an orgasm bearing down on her like a thunderstorm in the Midwest, and she could clearly see what the storm was doing for miles off. As the pressure in her head and between her legs grew more and more intense, she grew still and silent, exhilarated and a little terrified, fighting against the urge to flee, the instinct to clamp down and make it manageable, but then Holtz had taken her past the point where she could do that and all she could do was let the torrential orgasm rip through her, pounding all conscious thought flat, and drawing her back and thighs up into a quavering arch.

Finally, Holtzmann relented, and Erin collapsed back onto the bed, panting and hearing her blood roar like wind in her ears. 

Holtz smiled up at her, still slowly moving fingers inside her. "That was beautiful enough to paint."

Erin shook her head and finally pushed her hair out of her face. "No, that's you." She took a deep, shaking breath and said, "Thank you."

"Thank _you_ ," Holtz said reverently, and pressed another kiss against Erin's sensitive labia, which made her twitch and Holtz laugh. Holtz started to withdraw her fingers and Erin whimpered. "Oh?" Holtz said, pushing back inside.

Erin sighed and felt her muscles clamp down on Holtz possessively. "Can you turn around? I want to do for you what you did for me. Please?"

There was a few moments of rearrangement, all knees and elbows and hair getting pulled and Holtz kissing every part of Erin she could reach and Erin bursting into giggles when Holtz peered upside-down at her. Finally, Holtz said, "I love this idea, but it's going to be really awkward keeping my fingers inside you when I settle in." She was on her one hand and knees next to Erin, but her wrist was at what looked like an uncomfortable angle.

After a moment's thought, Erin reached out to one of the drawers next to the bed and scrabbled inside without moving the rest of her body. After a few muttered curses, she found what she was looking for: a curvy clear pink dildo that narrowed to a blunt curling point. She handed it down to Holtz. 

"It's so pink!" Holtz said, taking it. "And hard. Acrylic?"

Erin felt her face getting hot. "Yeah. I just… like it."

"I like knowing what you like," Holtz grinned. She drew her fingers out and gently worked the toy in, teasing with a few too-gentle strokes that made Erin's hips move in response. "Good?"

Erin hummed and nodded. She reached up and tugged on Holtz. "Come over here."

Holtz moved to straddle Erin's head and Erin pulled her hips down eagerly, nuzzling into her wetness to taste her. Holtz shuddered and groaned, and then dove down to work Erin over with her tongue again, while fucking her slowly at the same time. Erin twitched and gripped Holtz's hips harder, digging her fingers into her soft skin and trying to find the magic angle of lips and tongue that would push Holtz over the edge before Holtz managed to drag another orgasm out of her.

Erin groaned as Holtzmann twisted the toy inside her, finding her own magic angle that lit a fire under her clit, which Holtz set to stirring up with a skill Erin had never experienced. She drove up against Holtz's clit harder and faster with her tongue, ignoring the way the muscles in her jaw and neck were complaining, and was rewarded by feeling Holtz's thighs starting to shudder. She zeroed in on the place that triggered the shudders and tried to shut out the burning glow that was building in her own belly and thighs. Erin made a frustrated noise, Holtz snorted a laugh, and they both redoubled their efforts.

Holtzmann's hips were rocking against Erin's mouth, and she was sure she would win, but something happened -- possibly she thought too long about what Holtzmann was doing, or she accidentally spread her legs a little more, giving Holtz unfettered access to her clit -- but Erin was slammed over the edge, found herself arching up and nearly blacking out with the force of it, her scream stifled against Holtzmann. Holtz slammed her free hand against the bed and shouted, and they were both vibrating and shivering with their orgasms, clinging together and somehow keeping the other going with what few movements they could manage.

Still trembling, Erin tilted her head back and gasped for air, and Holtzmann laughed breathlessly and kissed Erin's thigh.

"Gotcha," Holtz said.

"Damn you, I'm out of practice," Erin said, and they both laughed.

Holtz gently pulled the toy out and set it aside as she turned around and collapsed, ear against Erin's heart. They lay there together, breathing slowly settling back to normal. Erin listened to her own heartbeat in her ears and felt it pulsing in her labia and clit. She slid her arms around Holtzmann.

"Did you imply earlier that you love me?" she asked.

"Yes," Holtz said, not moving. She tensed a little though.

Erin made a noise of acknowledgement, one hand stroking Holtz's back.

Erin's thoughts chased each other through her head like rampaging kittens. _I was going to figure this out later. Now is later. I shouldn't… I shouldn't set Holtz up for disappointment if I can't handle this. I shouldn't have done this. Can I handle this? Knowing that she's sleeping with Patty_ and _Abby and oh god I can't even think about Abby right now and thinking about Patty is really embarrassing. If Holtz knows I heard them, does Patty? Is Patty going to hate me when she finds out? If she finds out. No, when, it should be when. That was… that was something I did without consent. It was terrible of me. I still don't know why I did it. But I did. So will that ruin everything, if Patty finds out? When Patty finds out. Would she be upset to find out that Holtzmann and I… while she and Holtzmann are still… and what about Abby? No, I still can't think about Abby. But that brings me back to whether I can handle this polyamorous thing. Am I willing to try? I'm not going to make Holtz choose… she'd be so unhappy… she'd resent me… it would ruin everything. I can't… ruin everything. I don't want to be without Holtz. Without trying with Holtz. Does that mean I love her too? Because I don't want to think about going back to… to… not having her? This way. I mean, we'd still be friends, I hope. Because not having her as a friend would… be bad. Not having her naked in my bed at least sometimes would be bad too. I can't… not… try. At least._

Holtz sighed. She didn't move, she just sighed, and it had a defeated kind of sound to it. But maybe Erin was misinterpreting, just feeling guilty, or realizing how long she'd been silent.

"I think I love you too," Erin blurted.

Holtz tensed up more, and then slowly lifted her head to look at Erin.

"I mean, I think that… I want. This. Your way. Sharing you." Erin felt the blush rising as she stammered out the words. She took a long breath and said, "I don't want to not at least _try_."

She and Holtz paused, slowly parsing through her sentence's convoluted grammar.

They nodded at each other. Holtz slid up her body and kissed her, arms closing around her, and Erin held her, kissing back hard. They fell over onto their sides, intertwined, still kissing, and Erin could feel the tide of tension and excitement rolling back in between her legs.

Holtz kissed along her jaw and whispered into her ear: "You're incredibly hot when you decide you're going to do something brave."

Erin laughed. "I'm not brave," she began to say, but Holtz kissed her silent.

"Eventually, I'm going to teach you to take compliments," Holtzmann said a few minutes later, keen blue eyes looking up at Erin under her long lashes. "I'll keep showering you with them until you stop denying them."

"If you kiss me whenever I deny them, though, I'll take that as encouragement."

"I'm sure I can come up with something. Not-kissing you, maybe."

"Nooooo, don't do that." Erin bit Holtzmann's earlobe. "No not-kissing. Unless you're doing something else when you're not-kissing."

"I can think of a few things I could do." Holtz flicked her tongue over one of Erin's nipples, making Erin groan. "But would you take that as encouragement?" 

"If I promise not to take it as encouragement, would you do that again?" Erin said.

"I like where your negotiations go," Holtzmann said with a smile. "You know, we can talk more about the poly thing and how it works and stuff later, when we're not sweaty and stuck to each other."

"I like your priorities," Erin said. "Want to join me in inaugurating my new shower?"

Holtzmann lifted herself onto hands and knees and backed off the bed. She held out her hand to help Erin up. "Dr. Gilbert, I'd be naked and wet with you any time."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Akycha for finding me the title, which comes from the poem "Letter from Slough Pond" by Isabella Gardner.


End file.
